I just sat there staring at the white walls and holding a folder with the cutest baby in my hand. The doctor was speaking words to me but it felt like he was miles away. I knew that he was talking but only could faintly hear him. I could not believe this was my reality. Of, course I love being a mother it is the most rewarding job.
My beliefs and the course of my life was not going the way I would ever have planned or imagined. I was in love yes but being a divorcee and single mother already. Now, this was a hard pill to swallow. I am not married and everything in my life has just returned to stable.
“Pregnant, pregnant,” I was in complete shock. I left the hospital with such a lonely and empty feeling inside. I knew that I would get judged, criticized, and look down upon by many especially those that were close to me. How was I going to tell the father? How was I going to tell my family? How was I going to tell my children? I would let them down. I tell them every day before they leave for school “have a good day and make good choices” and look at me now trying to make one of the most important decisions of my life.
I told my sister, my parents, and my children. I still tossed and turned with the idea and I fell into a deep depression. I was confused. I was only three weeks pregnant and its early enough to not feel guilty about an abortion. I have not bonded with the baby that consumed my tummy. I have not made any emotional connections and having an abortion nobody beyond who I have just told would have to know.
I called Planned Parenthood and made the appointment. I discussed this with my fiance at the time and my sister who is always there to give me sound advice and support. I made the appointment and I thought that I would feel better but I didn’t feel better. I still felt alone, empty and confused. I cried every day because this was a life. I was deciding about the life of a human being. A life that was forming inside of me at that very moment.
I called immediately and cancelled that appointment. I continued to entertain the thought and getting comfortable that I would probably would be a single mom of not two but three children because my engagement did not seem like it would lead to marriage. We all know it is easy for a man to decide he doesn’t want to be a part of a child’s life. Then I fell into a deeper depression and I felt I could not do this alone again. I was never supposed to be divorced, a single mom of three, waiting for love again. This was not what I had imagined for my life. It was taking over my mind.
I called Planned Parenthood again and scheduled yet another appointment. I still did not share with anybody beyond my closet family about being pregnant so it would be fine. I can then be done with this nightmare and move forward with my life.
It just did not sit well with me yet again. It was my baby and I loved my baby. If I am doing it now I can do it again. I have faith that God will get me through this and everything will be okay. It is my choice right? My actions, my body, my life, my decision and I choose to keep this baby. I have always been pro- choice and I always knew that abortion was not for me. When I was entertaining the thought, I kept getting a knot in the pit of my stomach.
It was not the decision for me. I am keeping my baby and this is my choice. I shared the news with my family, posted it on social media and I was having my third baby. Many women have to wrestle with this decision and what is right for them. What is going to make them happy? What is going to be best for the child? We have organizations like Planned Parenthood that are available for women and men to get resources, medical care, and at affordable rates. Many people need these services and the right to make a choice.
Abortion of course should not be abused and treated as a contraceptive but it should be available for women and men who need this as an option. How can the United States government think about taking this choice away from families and in particular women? The U.S. census bureau reported in September 2016 that of single parent households 80% of American households are lead by single mothers. Today 1 out of every 4 children under the age of 18 are being raised without a father and nearly 45% live below poverty line. (https://singlemotherguide.com/single-mother-statistics/ )
It is not just our bodies but our families and we should be able to decide the future of our families. We are humans and we have rights. In earlier years laws that prohibited abortion put women in a desperate position. They had fear, shame and this took a toll on their general health and their lives. Poor women and women of color suffered because of their lack of resources to even get an abortion especially one that was safe. Of, course the socio-economic of these women played a role in the options that they had, her race, and where she lived. Women with money could find a physician outside of the country to perform the procedure at high costs and poor women resulted to unsafe measures like inserting knitting needles, coat hangers into their vagina and uterus. Many lives lost because in desperation resulted to these unsafe practices. (www.ourbodiesourselves.org)
How can we go backwards and put women in this situation? A place where she has no voice or choice of what happens to her life or the life growing inside of her. Many women fought the fight for our human rights for women rights and we must continue the fight.